Mama's Midlife Mire

July 26

2 Years of Blogging!!

Can you believe it??!! I actually started this blog in 2006 the week Kiki was doing Theatre Camp! The date was the 21st of July. This will be her 3rd year of Theatre Camp; this year they are doing "Sleeping Beauty the Rock Musical". Don't ask - I don't know!

But enough about her!! This is all about me, me, me!! Blogging for 2 whole years! I can't believe people are still reading my blog.... 'cause my life is pretty much the same, lol. I'd love to look back and say "Wow, I've come so far in the past two years!" but, uh, not so much.

Oh, well! At least I've been hanging in there, no? Well, here's to another year!!

July 25

Today -

Today, we went to the movies, had an ice cream, came home, wrote a couple letters and drew pictures. Guess it was time for a break!! I'd promised Kiki the movie if her room was done ~ and it was!!! Will wonders never cease.

Next week, it's Theatre Camp for Kiki, and back to the cleaning for mama!

July 24

Then, There's the Dog

Merry likes coffee. With cream, please. Usually, I pour the last tablespoon or so out on the patio for her to lap up. She loves it Tongue out

Today I sort of misjudged and poured it right into the little crease which runs around the edge of the patio.... so she's licking it up - (all those wet marks are from her tongue!)

Trying to dig it out -

And look close at this pic - can you see the wrinkles above her nose? She's got her face smashed down as low as she can, trying to shove her tongue into that crack so she doesn't miss a drop of java - oh, yeah, she's my dog!

StupidCat - Update

No. No, he did not learn a thing. This is him, this morning.... (he'd been banned from going outside for the last two days; not to teach him - cause I don't think cats really learn that way, but because I was mad! Mad at him, for scaring me!) Look at his face - look closely.

Maybe you can see it better in this close-up.... see how his mouth is open? Yeah - he's yelling at me because I moved the porch swing, and he's up there on top of it, and he realizes he can't make it to the roof from there now! Dingledore.

I love this cat. I really do. If I didn't, I'd let him climb all over the roof, come what may. However, his lack of appreciation for this love and concern of mine just irritates the waddin' out of me!!

July 22

StupidCat (one word!)

This is my cat.

This is my cat on the roof.

Any questions??

So, I'm sitting on the back patio, enjoying a cuppa joe and a magazine. The animals are out there with me. The cat likes to hop up on the table, then onto the canopy of the porch swing. He was sitting up there, watching the gardeners work out in the common area. I guess he got a wild hair or something, because he's never tried this before, but suddenly I hear scrambling and scritching, so I look up from my reading and he is pulling himself up onto the roof! Here's his tail, just disappearing around the bend from where he hopped up......

Obviously I need to pull the swing farther away from the house, so he won't do that again! Because I knew - I knew - he wouldn't be able to get back down. What is it with cats??! And sure enough... he's wandering all over the roof, meowing and yowling.... but not coming back down. He was all the way out front when I got that shot of him going up the peak - that's up to the 2nd floor - (yeah, of course I went in and got my camera! I've gotta document my life!!) I tried and tried to get him to go back to where he started and jump back down on the swing's canopy...uh-huh....as if, right?! He's a cat.

So, I wait, and watch. But he's starting to get stressed, and probably hot....it was pretty overcast yesterday (you can see the greyness of the sky) but still, it was probably nearing 80 (F) and we have dark grey asphalt roof shingles, so I imagine it was pretty warm up there. He is now wandering around, eyes large, mouth open and panting...so I am beginning to panic just a bit. I finally got him to hop down to a little spot out front where we have a little roof cover over a window that's a bit lower than the main roof, and I drug out our massively heavy ladder and plucked him down. I know he was happy to be off, but I betcha he'd do it again today, don't you? Well, we're having a lovely thunder storm today, but when it stops raining, I believe I'll go out and move that swing away from the house!

July 19

Ahhhh..... getting to sleep in!!

Vacation Bible School is over. It was a blast, actually, but I am so excited to get to sleep in tomorrow!! Yay!!

Kiki's friend is spending the night. Kiki was at her house last night. And I forgot that two nights of anyone sort of gets to be too much for my daughter - they weren't doing too well by bedtime, so I was glad they fell asleep while watching their movie. (they swore they were going to stay up "really really late") I have got to remember this point - NO friends or cousins 2 nights in a row if I can help it!!

Merry has a wicked ear infection - bacterial and yeast. Poor girlie dog. Our little trip to the vet today cost $166.00!! Not to mention she got all stressed out while the doc was examining her, and I just happened to be standing by her hind end - and she piddled all over my leg. Niiiiice. Gotta love that dog! I'd been trying my little home remedies which sometimes do work, but not this time around, dang it.

Well, I'm off to bed or the whole 'sleeping in' point will be destroyed by the girls getting up too early for my liking..... I'll try to get more regular on my blogging again.

July 14

It's all good :) Okay, not all.....

Alright. Here's the scoop. VBS started today and it actually went really well. Kiki is in a group with a couple of her school buddies, so she quit griping and had a fun day. I am doing the crafts with 3 other gals from church that I know and really like, so we had a fun day. The whole "helpers need to arrive at 7:30" deal still kicks me in the head, but we'll make it through!

As far as transportation - I have my SUV back! Yay me!! Alan did buy a motorcycle over the weekend, a Suzuki 650. Smaller than bikes he's had in the past, but he really likes it. (We'll see how he loves it come wintertime, lol) but so far, he's really enjoying being back on a bike. The biggest "sticker shock" came in buying the helmet - they've nearly doubled in price since he last bought one! Like, to the tune of $200 - $300 for the average, good one. yiyiyiyiyiyi. We decided to put off buying one for Kiki and I for awhile! Anyway, I'm glad to have my "freedom" back..... I forgot how much we've come to rely on our personal transportation. When we lived in Tacoma, we had a great bus system, so it was not a big deal to have just one car, but here the bus system is.... well, I'll be nice and say "lacking". It's pathetic, honestly. And since we live on the edge of civilization, it's kind of necessary to be able to get places.

And now, for the bad news.....

This afternoon, my mom and I took Kimba to the vet and had him put to sleep. You all know how much I love my animals, so you know how sad I am. He was also the last of the "4 Muskateers", our little group who lived together on the acreage. The 2 dogs and 2 cats who shared the straw-filled dog house. He was on the far end of 18 years old, and was just not doing well at all. Of course, since mom had decided "today is the day", and he's been doing nothing but laying around for a couple weeks.... well, today he was up and about, and was so happy to see me when I came.... it was like yeah, make it a little harder on us, will ya? There were a few moments of levity, though - like when we first walked into the vet's office. I had just carried Kimmie in, and he was meowing loudly (not because he was upset or anything, it's just how he was) and this rather old and somewhat rickety looking couple was there with their little dog.... they looked at us with this kind look on their faces, and asked "Oh, what's the matter with your kitty?" I stood there, trying to figure out how to answer. Because, the truth was - "well, he's old and not doing too good"....uh, kinda like you??? I mean, really! What could I say that wouldn't sound bad?? The other was on the way home, and my mom and I were talking. See, Kimba had long, soft, white fur. He'd been an outdoor cat his whole life (well, he got spoiled once he moved in with mom and dad and was then an indoor/outdoor cat) but he'd always taken really good care of his coat - we hardly ever brushed him, and he looked good. About 6 months or so ago, he quit. And he decided he didn't want anyone else messing with it either, so he looked absolutely terrible. Not to mention he'd lost most of his weight, and since he's been huddled up in the garage the last few weeks, he was filthy to top it off. I was somewhat ashamed to take him in that condition. On my way down to my parent's house, I was actually considering if it would work if I tried to use some babywipes to at least clean him up a little. Then I was like "geez, what a thought, girl." Probably make it muddy. So, my mom and I were going home after, and I was saying how I'd felt bad, and she said she did too, except they've been his vet for years, and they know him, and that he's always been loved and cared for. Then she says "I even tried to wash him up a little with some babywipes before you came." I laughed so dang hard!!! I'm not the only crazy cat lover in my family, lol.

Well, Kimba is once more with his 3 best buddies, and I know he is happy. Me....not so much.

July 10

One down, one to go.... Vacation Bible School

Am I the only one who agrees to do something, then when the time actually comes wonders if she really should have her head examined? (okay, y'all know I need my head examined, but let's overlook that for the moment, shall we??) This week was VBS at my parent's church, and I have volunteered to help at it ever since we moved here.... I think it started when I took Kiki the first year, and they were shorthanded, so I stayed on. This was the 4th year I've helped now. It's a small church, so I know most of the folks - and they at least know who I'm the child of, if nothing else. This was the first year, however, that the VBS at my own church is being held on a different week, so like a moron I signed up to help at that one, too. I am sooooo stinkin' tired after this week, the last thing I want to do is do it all over again next week! Not to mention I have no source of transportation. Nope. Alan sold his little pickup, and we've both been scouring the paper and internet, and there is not squat out there in our price range. I mean, without Bondo and rust. Unless I want something that gets lousy mileage, which is the reason I'm in this spot in the first place..... sigh. I'm so not into beaters. Weird, I know. Luckily, one gal who does my mom's VBS lives near me, so we got a ride each day. Is that lucky? Would it have been luckier if I couldn't have gotten there?? Lol. Next week is a different matter. We live pretty far away from our chuch, and chances are no one is coming from here to do VBS next week.... I'm not sure what I'm doing about that, yet. So last night we were out looking at motorcycles. Alan tried very hard to just be reasonable and all, but I could see that old gleam returning to his eye. He sat on this, umm, I think it was a Ninja 1150, and sheeshh..... I think I'm glad we can't afford one of those!! (Oh, he's had them in the past - as we told Kiki last night, "we used to be cool"....heeheee) The little 500's were more in our catagory.... maybe a 650. But then you have the whole 'snow and ice' deal in the winters here.... he probably couldn't ride year 'round like he did in California. Not to mention he wasn't a "middle-aged fat man" back then, either (his words, I swear!) so it could be harder on him, now. I hate being poor. Yep, he still loves his job and he still isn't making money at it. That doesn't work out too well, y'know? Last night I got the "we need to think about selling the house" speech. Dang it. Living in my parent's garage doesn't seem all that appealing to me. In fact, we'd have to live in the shed out back, really....dad would never turn his cars out for us. That'd be funnier if it didn't hold a whole lot of truth in it.

Well, Kiki is spending the night at my parent's tonight.... guess I'll try to figure out something fun for Alan and I to do on our "night off". Hey, not that! Did you miss the "middle-aged fat..." description of us??? Lol. Hey, maybe we'll go out for ice cream...... hehhehheh.

July 07

So what did YOU do on the 4th?

We went camping. At our church. In a borrowed-from-work motorhome. Weird. It was the 1st time our church had tried this, so only about a dozen and a half of us showed up to camp.... everyone in tents, but us. So we looked like the snooty rich family. Which is a total joke if you know we are about on the verge of not even being able to afford our house anymore, let alone a pricey play toy....but, the beds were comfy, anyhow. When it got dark (which is about 10:30 around here!) some folks went downtown to watch the fireworks at the University, and some of us hung out at the church where they showed a movie outdoors against the wall in the courtyard. It was fun, actually. Weird, but fun. After the movie, we had a fire and made S'mores. Mmmmm.

Kiki got really bored the first couple hours we were there (by choice, totally.... she had stuff to do, but was in a mood and therefore decided she had nothing to do....arrrgh.) So I finally handed her my camera and said "go find something to take pictures of!" The results are in my photo album. Not bad for her first attempt. Later my sis dropped off my niece, so then Kiki was all hunky-dory again.

Here are some pics of the event:

Here's the RV we took - a used Class C, selling for "only" about $70,000.00..... (at least it's worth less than our house!)

(that's me in the bottom right corner....)

Some interior shots -

This was Kiki's little nook - check out the Bambi pillowcase - that was actually mine when I was little!!

Then the girls hid when I took their picture....

July 06

So I need to look for a Corolla??

Wow! By an overwhelming majority, that seems to be the car of choice, no? Probably out of my even-less-than-meager budget, but I'll have a look, anyhow.....

July 02

Too much research

Alan sold his little pickup today. So now we only have one car - yeah, that'll work! Actually, we've been trying to find a little economy car (my dad'd say an "econo-can") for me to drive, since I post the most miles.....and we really owe too much on the SUV to reasonably trade it in, so we figured; sell his truck for cash then buy something I'll actually drive. I refused to drive his pickup (not because I don't like trucks! I'm a truck kinda girl!) but not his - manual transmission (which would be okay but it has a ridiculously long clutch for my short legs!) and no air, and no power steering (no joke, I've nearly hit people when trying to pull into a parking lot because the thing is a bear to turn!) We've been looking around some, but of course any dealership wanted to give him a pathetic amount for trade-in value...so, we knew we'd be better off to sell it and use the cash for the 'new' car. And that's where the headache comes in!! We've got a limited amount of cash to spend so that sort of limits you! When we find something, I research it online - and good lord, they all suck! Whether it's safety, or recalls, or just generally not well made. Ugh. I'm not even talking about lack of good looks, because that's a given that I'm not going to find anything exciting. Last night my mom's friend said she was going to sell her VW 'new' bug - not what I'd really looked for but it's pretty dang cute and she said she gets awesome mileage.... but then her husband said "no, it is not for sale!" Go figure. Old people. Lol.

Sometimes too much knowledge can be a burden. I don't even want to look anymore! Uh, but, that won't really work, now will it? Because I have places to go, things to do! Do any of you have a little economy car that you think rocks?? Let me know, huh? Maybe help me know what to look for?

July 01

Time flies even if you're not having fun

It's already July?? When did that happen? This week I am supposed to be cleaning the house....wait, that's not quite right... I am trying to dig out the house from under a pile of stuff. (If you think I'm exaggerating, I could post pics!) We spent all day yesterday trying to find Kiki's room....still haven't dis-covered it. Today I was supposed to go to a, I don't know, a therapist/counselor/new-age healer chick. I had some misgivings about going - that whole "Christianity vs. whatever the heck this stuff is" and should I go or not.... I prayed really hard about it, that going would help. So, this morning I dropped Kiki off at my sister's house, got lost trying to find this gal's house, never could find the address, tried twice to call her, finally got someone at her number - who told me she'd had to go to the hospital very early this morning with kidney stone trouble. So. Was that just a case of my cruddy luck, or was that God telling me I need to find a different way to deal with my problems? Sigh. So of course I had to do a little 'retail therapy' to make up for that, lol! I wasted pretty much this whole day, not to mention spent money I shouldn't have. Which is one thing I am really good at. You gotta go with your strengths, right??!

Got some more reflux medication samples from my doctor. So I don't have to fork over $105.00 for the stuff, yet. Yay!

Kimba the cat is still hanging in there. I call my mom every day for the daily update. He is actually doing a little better, but not great.

Alan is still loving his job but still barely making any money. So that sucks. Not him loving it - the no money part.

Well, I have a birthday party to go to tonight, and I am bringing a fruit salad - what's up with that, anyway?? I swear, lately, every time I am invited over to someone's house for a meal, it's like "oh, and would you please bring.....". It's not that I begrudge them - whoever - of needing a little help (except, well, you invited me, so why aren't you providing this?). Mostly, I am just lazy and don't want to be bothered. Which is why I haven't invited anyone over to my house..... lazy, lazy. And poor. Anyway, I gotta go chop up some fruit....

June 25

Kimba the White Lion is his name

Does anyone besides me remember this cartoon? Alan thinks I'm nutso, but I swear I used to watch it as a kid. I've seen "Kimba" stuff for sale on ebay, so at least I know it existed.... anyway, that is where my lovely kitten got the name Kimba. (you can look back and find a Photo Album titled Kimba if you want a look) Well, he is now 18 years old (and he's been an outdoor cat more often than indoors!) but I think he is finally on his 9th life. In fact, after all he's been thru, I've often suspected that he's actually on a borrowed life - maybe 10th or 11th at this point! He has long fluffy white hair, and we've never had to brush him because he did a wonderful job of keeping himself tidy - even when he lived with the dogs out in the dog house, with straw bedding to keep them warm in the snowy winters, and living in the mud and muck of the horsey acre, he always looked beautiful. For about the last 12 years, he's lived with my parents. Wow, I didn't realize until now how he's been with them longer than I had him after I rescued him! Huh. I took him there when I moved back in when Alan and I were separated, and when we (Alan and I) moved out of state and into an apartment, I didn't want to drag the poor guy into a city with busy streets and all. I always intended to get him back after we found a house, but by then Kimba was comfortably ensconced into my parent's home and into their hearts as well. The last couple years, he's spent much less time outdoors and much more time curled up on my parent's bed or in my mom's lap. In all these years, tho, I've always been his favorite. He always comes running when I go over (which is often) and he will do anything to climb up onto my shoulder - something he does with no one else. You see, when I had him on the acre, twice a day I would go out to feed the horses, and as soon as I came out the back door he would jump on top of the dog house and from there onto my shoulder. You have to understand that it was always the same - up onto the right side, nearest the dog house, then across to the left shoulder where he would drape himself and mercilessly knead my shoulder on the "ride" out to the barn. It was fine in the winter when I was wearing my heavy parka - you can still see the nearly new look of the right shoulder, compared with the nearly shredded shoulder on the left. Summer was a different matter - I have a wonderful network of spider-webby white scars covering my left shoulder! At the barn I dropped him off into the grain bin, where he'd nearly always find a mouse. After the feeding he'd walk on up to the house under his own power... unless he was still enjoying his 'mouse game'. Lately, about the last 6 months, we've seen a real decline in poor ol' Kimmy. Like, he can't seem to retract his claws easily, and they are always getting stuck in stuff. Like my shoulder. Which is way uncool. Also, he hasn't been keeping himself tidy, and he took to growling and nipping if we tried to brush him, so he looks like crap now, all matted and nasty. We tried to work on them, but gave up because it just makes him mad. And this is a cat who never got mad, who wouldn't bite or scratch even if you were a dog chewing him up (a pitbull nearly ended him one day) and even the vets loved him because as they attended to his awful wounds, he just sat still and purred his loud, loud purr. So we knew he wasn't quite himself lately. He's also become pretty thin, but he seemed happy and fine, just old - and well, dang it, he is old! Well, a couple days ago, he planted himself in one of his favorite spots - in my dad's garage, between the pump for the well and the water heater. He basically hasn't moved much since then. I went the next day, and petted and petted him, to tell him "goodbye". He never really even raised his head. The next day, he was still hanging in, so I went again, and this time he stirred at the sound of my voice, so I picked him up and loved on him. Mom and I were absolutely sure he'd be gone by the next day, as dad said he'd quit eating and drinking. (all the cat's stuff is in the workshop, and my dad practically lives out there, so he knows these things.) He didn't seem to be suffering, so we thought, well, just let him go "quietly into that good night". But, no. It's the 3rd day - 4th? and he's still hanging on. In fact, he actually seems a bit better - he's getting up to eat and drink, if only a tiny bit. But dad said he seems to be hurting when he uses his box. So, today mom and I discussed the ever-dreaded "maybe we need to take him to the vet" deal. Dreaded, because at the age of 18 I don't think we can really get him all "fixed up" you know - it's more of the 'end of life' kind of talk. Uhg. I hate that. It's always the hard part of having pets, isn't it? I took Kiki today to tell him goodbye... I'm going to pray really hard that Kimba decides to just drift away in his sleep tonight.

June 24

My baby's coming home!

Well, I'm heading off to bed soon because I have to pick up Kiki at the airport early in the a.m. She didn't get her hair dyed pink; bummer! I guess in order to do that, you first have to bleach out/strip the color then dye the pink, and the sylist didn't want to do that on a young girl. Which is probably a good call! Guess I'll have to take her to the beauty supply and find some sort of non-permanent color, just for fun. She said she's had a great time but is totally ready to come home. That's nice to hear Smile

I've done absolutely nothing while she was gone...sit outside and read, mostly. LOVED it!!

June 23

Would you say this is Good News or Bad News???

I went to see the Herbalist today. He is such a nice man. Nerd

We talked about my reason for visiting him - uh, I'm needing to lose a little weight, ya see - and everyone I know is going to see him and doing this 'Candida cleanse diet' (which is a yeast deal, where you have to eliminate all sugar from your diet because the Cadida lives off it) and so we talked about... stuff. And I cried. Because I seem to do that at the drop of a hat these days. Which is beginning to piss me off - I mean, could I just have a conversation for pete's sake??! If you remember, I went to see this herbalist when I just couldn't get over my pneumonia. He suspected back then that I may be harboring some unresolved emotional issues - because, I guess, in ancient Eastern healing traditions they believe that your lung health is related to emotions somehow. Well, I don't know about all that, but what I do know is that I've been dealing with the bronchitis and pneumonia since we moved here 4+ years ago - the length of time basically that we were dealing with my little sister's mental breakdown and subsequent death. So, it does make you wonder, if nothing else. Interestingly enough, I have been dealing with this "piling on of weight" for the last 12 years....hmmm, ever since my husband's affair....could it be related, somehow? Ya think?? I've known for a long time that it is somehow related - but I thought more along the lines of because I'd become so depressed I couldn't eat, and was actually underweight for a time, so I thought I'd just killed off my always-low metabolism or something....Then, maybe I have that Candida thing so I'm addicted to sugar and that's why even when I really, really try to eat well and even exercise, nothing changes.....Well, crap. I tested negative for the Candida, and any other physical cause of what would be keeping me from losing weight. He basically told me that nothing he could give me could really help, but what I need to do is go thru some sort of therapy to release the trapped emotions so I can truly begin to heal. Maaaan.... I mean, if it was the candida, I'd have to go on a strict diet (no breads or fruits or anything at first!) and I didn't really want to do that, but then it kills off the stuff and suddenly you are dropping weight and all is well, you know? (So, fine, now I can stuff my face with croissants).... but of course, it can't be as easy as taking some herbs and changing my diet, noooo.... I have to go deal with my stuff. Aaarrrrgghh!! So I'm not sick, just crazy in the head. Which comes as no surprise, right? I know Alan would like to believe we have dealt with it all, and stuff is peachy.... but while I may be unbalanced, he is delusional. He was like, "so this is all my fault?" and I was like, "uh, duh, yeah." Lol. So, anyway. We (the witch dr and I) talked about stuff like the agreements you make with yourself - and, I've heard this in Bible studies and stuff, so it's not just new-agey-voodoo-crap or anything.... do you know what I'm talking about? Like, say you'd been molested as a child. (no, I haven't been... this is an example) anyway, lets say somewhere in your subconscious, you decide "as long as I am always 100 pounds overweight no one will ever desire me and I will be safe". So, no matter what you do in your conscious state, you'll never get closer to your 'ideal weight' than 100 lbs. over...or, let's say someone told you you'd always be a failure.... so no matter how hard you try, every time you are about to 'win' at something - a game, a job, a relationship - you do something to 'blow it' so, yeah, you're a failure. I know this stuff is true.... I guess I just don't know what my problem is. Well, I sort of do. Sometimes, if I think hard enough (altho I try not to!) I think that as long as I am 'undesirable' then if Alan had another affair, well, it would make sense. Or maybe it's like the weight is the "wall" around me that I keep up to guard against any future hurts. Or, I remember how much I wanted to commit suicide back then... but I knew that wasn't fair to my own family... so I prayed and prayed that God would just let me die. Give me some disease or let me get hit by a bus or something.... a way out that wasn't really by my own hand. So maybe I'm just committing suicide on the installment plan or something?? I don't know. I really don't. And, honestly, I don't feel like digging around for it. Criminy. But. I suppose I'll call this woman he recommended and go see her. And get re-birthed or something. Start all over from scratch. Lol. Not really! I don't know what I'm up for.... guess we'll just see, huh? It sounds like effort, at any rate. And then I'll still have to do something to lose the weight!! Geez. Life can be such a pain.

June 21

I'm all alone - WeeeHAAA!!!!

Well, I am all alone - Kiki flew off all by her little self yesterday! It was so cute - just minutes before boarding, another little girl walked up who was also wearing the "Unaccompanied Minor" lanyard, and carrying a stuffed animal! You must know Kiki had her horse with her - her very, very special buddy! So Kiki gathered her courage, walked over to the other girl (who was probably a couple years younger than Kiki) and asked her if they could sit together. She agreed, and aparently they had a fabulous flight! She told me when we talked on the phone that Grammy's gonna take her to her salon for a haircut, and that she is going to let her dye her hair hot pink. Lol. What is funny (in a sad, strange and annoying way) is that Kiki's been wanting to dye her hair for ages now, and daddy kept saying "no". (I'm the "Heck, why not?" kind of mom) But, when Kiki asked Grandma to take her, and Grandma asked daddy - her little boy, ya know - if it was okay with him, he said "yes". What the?? 'No' to me and Kiki, but okay if his mom asks?? What is that weirdness between a grown man and his mother??!! I'd have had a lot to say about that, except that it worked in Kiki's favor and I don't personally care what color her hair is, so whatever. It will be interesting to see if they really go thru with it. If I recognize my own child when I go to the airport to pick her up.

So today I have done absolutely n o t h i n g. It's been quite lovely. I've been able to hear my own thoughts, which is a wonder. Not that I've liked them much.... I suppose I need to find something to do!

My little girl - on her own in the big, big world..... well, not quite alone - she has her "stuffie" (the horse!)

She was a little bummed that she didn't get to fly on "Shamu"...

June 18

What if the light at the end of the tunnel is just an onrushing freight train??

Have you ever felt like there were so many decisions you needed to make, so many issues and problems pressing in on you that you needed, somehow, to find a way to deal with, that you felt like your head was going to explode?? Aaarrrgghhh!! I am thinking that maybe running away is a good option afterall. Alan wanted me to take my dad to look at the car today. As if I have time! Not to mention that I don't even want to think about the whole "what am I going to do about gas costs?" issues right now! I am trying to get laundry done and Kiki ready for her trip.... I mowed the lawn, at hubby's request...I feel like crap because my reflux is really acting up - and I called my doctor's office to see if I could come in for some more Prot*nix samples (she's been giving me samples since she knows I no longer have health insurance) but, they don't have any. So I called the pharmacy to see how much a prescription would be...the nurse told me they have a generic now, so I was hopeful - but, the generic would cost me $105.00!!! So, that leaves me no choice but the suffering, I guess. Crap. I'm tired of throwing up. 4 times last night! Maybe I'll try something else over-the-counter. So far, I haven't found anything that works, but maybe if I could find a product that would at least help a little, that'd be something.

June 17

Hah! It's the next day.

Hey. I've got nothing to say, but I thought, wouldn't it be cool if I actually blogged two days in a row? So here I am. Done a bunch of laundry today, yeehaw. But at least Kiki may have clean undies to take to Grandmas. We might go look at a car tonight - 1980 Alfa Romeo Spider. Cause that'd be totally practical for me, don't you think?! lol. I love my suv, but it's such a gas hog! I'm trying to figure out if I should trade it in, or buy a cheap car for cash and just keep the Isuzu garaged for those days when I need the big ol' guy. The suv, that is. Hence the looking at the 28 year old Spider. I gotta tell you though - that was my dream car when I was in high school!! Oh, crap. Just how long ago was I in High School then???

Update:

First, maybe the upper bit was confusing - we have just two vehicles currently - my Isuzu Ascender (the SUV) and my hubby's little Ford Ranger. He's keeping his truck (decent mileage, not to mention paid cash for it) so it's just my suv up for discussion. Do I trade it in for something (relatively) new that gets much better mpg, but lose a bunch of money in the process (owe too much on it, of course!) so we'd still have 2 vehicles, just a different one in the pair, (eventually the better mileage would cover the loss) or, do I pay cash for a little beater-type car that will save me gas money, and just keep the suv for 'necessary' times....so then we'd have three vehicles, two paid for.... does that make sense?

Anyhoo, went to see the car... as the owner said, it's a 20/20 car - looks real good from 20 feet away or moving past at 20 mph... lol. A bit worn on closer inspection. We knew that beforehand, so no surprises. In a way, I find it a little exciting - it'd be sort of a "project car" and I've thought about doing that before....(my dad's a 'car guy') but, on the other hand, it has to run good, because I can fix the 'looks' a little at a time, but I can't have a car to save me gas $$ if it doesn't run, eh?? I'm thinking of taking my dad out to see it tomorrow, get his expert opinion. Of course, I already know what he'll say - he's always been a mechanical guy - he'd jump at it if it looked great but didn't run, but he's not so much on the cosmetic rebuilding. But, I want him to tell me if it's mechanically sound, so we'll see.

I am out of my reflux meds, so I just unloaded my entire dinner - and, possibly, my lunch - yeah, it was that bad. Well, now that that's over with, I can go to bed with no worries! I knew it was gonna happen, so I figured there was no sense in lying down and feeling miserable, just waiting.... Wouldn't you think that would help me lose weight?? I mean, it's like being ... oh, shoot, what's the word?? The whole 'purging' thing? Bulimia? Anyway, no, it's never helped, no matter how many meals I've lost. That's my luck.

June 16

Sporadic Blogging

I thought that having Summer Break would be awesome. I forgot that moms never get a break. The difference in summer is that Kiki is now home every single day. I can't even hear the voices in my head anymore! Oh, I love the kid dearly, and most of the time I enjoy her company. Lately however, it seems like I could really use a break!! So, guess what? She is leaving this weekend to go spend a week at Grandma's! And I'll probably be missing her like crazy, won't I?? I'm weird like that. I've just been really stressed over - well, life, I guess - and she's on my last nerve a bit. Not her fault. But I think it'll be a nice break. She's