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Mama's Midlife MireOh, but you're the one who looks at me and sees what I was meant to be ~ more than just a beautiful mess
May 15 Can I take a breath now?It looks like I'm finally off the home page for Windows Spaces, so maybe now I can get back to my blog-walking and a normal amount of folks checking in here... maybe I'll even quit getting comments about 'buying gold' or 'peeons for hire' (what the????) or just stuff in Chinese that I can't even read... I'm so tired of all that stuff, and no way to block it, sigh.... so maybe it's just us again, eh? You, my friends on this place, old and new, the ones who actually comment and care !
So, what's new? Not my weight, unfortunately. I think I'll do better over the summer - when I don't have to talk to all the other moms about what they are and aren't eating, and the nutritional supplements they're taking and blah blah blah. It's that nasty little rebellious streak I'm fighting with, that, upon hearing the 'marvelous habits' of those skinny gals just whispers in my head "whatever, who cares what they do...hey, let's go get a donut on the way home..." Why couldn't I have rebelled in my teen years like a normal person and be over it now??
Nothing has changed financially yet... but nothing bad has happened either.... just drifting along with the tide, I guess, and waiting to see where it takes us.
I'm in a bit of a funk... as per normal, really, huh? Why doesn't that change so easily?
Only 2 more weeks of school after this one! Yay!! I'm really ready to be done...in fact, I've mentally checked out already. You know, more than usual.
 Well, Kiki is bringing a friend home after school, and the house is a mess (what a shocker, eh?!) so I guess I need to at least make the place semi-presentable before this afternoon....
I'm hoping to come around and check on you all one of these days, soon...
May 12 Well, it got worse, but I'm okay now (well, as okay as ever!)We took the dog back, which really was sad, but I felt a great relief when it was over - obviously, it wasn't meant to be. Even Kiki said, "well, I don't feel so bad now - I'm just going to think of it as 'Merry had a sleep-over', that's all." The foster gal was very sweet about it, and I did admit to her that he wasn't so awful that he wouldn't ever get along with a cat at all...that maybe, since Bob loves Merry and gets a big thrill out of attacking her, and he did indeed launch himself (playfully!) at the poor Springer the very moment he came inside, well, maybe they just got off on the wrong foot!
Later, we went to my parent's house where we were all having a Mother's Day BBQ. Which was really nice - until the very end, as we headed to the car to leave. We were parked in the driveway, and down both sides of my car were long, deep scratches... it seems my nephew (he's 8) was riding the old bike without hand grips a little too close to my car.... AARrrggghhh!!! These scratches, I'm talking both of them over a foot long and down to the metal! Of course it was right down the middle so it affects all 4 doors... crap. He had to have known he did it, but decided to pretend it didn't happen... they had already left by then, so later on when I went over to their house to take my niece home (she'd come home with us to play with Kiki) I had to tell the parents about it, and confront my nephew. This was a really hard thing for me; I really agonized over what I should do. Ignore it? Confront it? The thing is, I believe that doing something like that and not confessing is just about equal to lying. At my house, you'd better 'fess up if you have an accident.... because if I find it later - and I will - then your butt will really be in a sling! Which is how I knew Kiki hadn't done it, because she'd have been inside all hysterical and scared... the other two nieces were inside the whole time...so that left the nephew and his sister (the one at my house) as the only suspects. This whole family has trouble with lying to begin with. It started with my little sister and her husband, so the kids learned early to lie to get out of trouble... then, the new wife, well, she isn't a whole lot better that I can see. Plus, she is horribly strict with the kids - lots of law, not much grace... so I know they lie to try not getting punished. Which made it so hard to 'tattle' so to speak! I really, really felt like he (or they) had to admit what they'd done and say they were sorry for damaging my car. I told them I understand accidents happen, but that they need to be honest when these things happen and see if they can 'make it right' somehow; at least apologize. It was agonizing to stand there, watching him deny and deny and then finally admit "well, I did a little of it, but not all of it" ... still, trying to shift the blame somehow... it's horrible. And my niece basically admitted the same.... But, to have it plain in your face and still be unwilling to just say "Yes, I did it, and I'm really sorry"... I don't know, I just don't get that. I wasn't raised that way! Well, I told them I forgave them, and I loved them, and please if something like that happened again would they just tell me up front. But then I have to worry about how my b-i-l's wife is going to punish them - I know that it will be way too harsh, and I feel really bad about that. So, I just hope my niece and nephew won't hate me forever for being the Aunt-that-tattled. How would you have chosen to handle this situation??
So, all in all in was a pretty lousy day! I went to bed last night and slept for 12 hours!! The stress got to me, I guess. I have no idea how I will ever afford to get the car fixed... since Alan isn't selling anything.... But, it's a new day... and tomorrow is coming soon... May 11 So, I'm an idiot....and I don't even mean because my 'space' is being featured and I go missing for 5 days.... I mean, that's bad enough, but check this out....
I've been looking for a 2nd dog. Because I think Merry is a little lonely. She needs a buddy to play with, and personally I'd be happy if she'd quit being so 'clingy' on me! I've been checking the local humane society's website, local ads, Craig*slist, wherever.... so, the other day I find this 5 yr old male Springer Spaniel. I'm thinking it'd be great not to have to do the puppy thing (while forgetting that "doing the puppy thing" means doing it right so you have the dog you want on the other end...) I have always wanted a Springer, but Alan thinks they're crazy. So, Kiki and I go see him. He's a doll - sweet, well-behaved, blah blah blah - next thing you know I'm bringing him home! I have been sick to my stomach ever since! What was I thinking?? Well, I didn't - that's the problem. Didn't spend enough time thinking it through. He's totally housebroken; I didn't lose a wink of sleep last night because he just lay down and behaved himself; Kiki loves him, Alan is even suitably impressed, he and Merry aren't playing yet but they are getting along fine..... and he wants to eat our cat. I mean, really. Poor Bob-cat, he wanted to play with the dog at first (because he likes dogs!) but after a couple good 'snaps' he has spent the last several hours up on top of the china hutch, and I haven't even yelled at him to get down from there. Sigh. So I guess I am going to have to take him back. Which makes me feel like a total loser/nutcase. I sure talked us up to the gal who was fostering him! And now this. I know, maybe if we gave it some time the dog would learn how to behave around the cat. However, I'm not willing to risk an injured cat in the process. Besides, the Springer looks at the cat in the same glossed-ever-eyes-look that our Golden who was totally cat obsessed did.... he never got over cats, his entire life. So I'd rather just return him now and cut my losses before we all become completely attached, which we could pretty easily. Sigh. Why do I get myself into these things.....yuck. I feel sick. May 06 RV News ~ the good, the bad, & the uglyThe good news is: Alan was salesman of the month for April! Yay him! That means he sold the most RV's for the month. And he was only selling for three weeks!
The bad news is: That corresponded to very little commission. It's not how many you sell, it's how much profit there is in each unit. He made some really good deals for some customers... but, the better the deal for them, the worse it is for him, which kind of sucks. His paycheck for this month? Less than half what he was making in his old job... and we were barely making ends meet then. So...how??? I dunno.
& the ugly news is: Finding out your bosses are sort of the weaselly type of characters you always suspected 'car salesmen' to be. Alan has integrity. It's part of who he is. This makes being a salesman hard. Because to be a "good" salesman, you sort of have to talk people into stuff they don't want, or can't afford...or twist the truth abit. Like, the new finance guy told him "hey, units a., b. and c. are on sale." Alan - Oh, good, for what price? "Well, just tell your customer it's $3000 higher than the sticker, then offer it to them at the sticker". What??!! Alan will so not do that! Because he is honest. Because we hate when salesmen try that slimy stuff on us. We both sort of had a feeling it would be this way... because that's how the business is...they are in it to make money. End of story. I guess he hoped it would be different with this place, somehow.
Here is how Alan is looking at the whole deal: "God has a plan. For whatever reason, this is the only job I could find. For whatever time period God wants me here, I will do my best - while being honest and holding to the Lord's standards of how I should treat people. I will not lie, I will not be a weasel. If the Lord wants me to make a living at this, He will sent the right customers my way. If this is not the job for me, God will send me another opportunity."
He has such a great attitude toward this! He is just totally resting in the Lord. The same cannot be said about me! I am pretty much FREAKING out about how we are ever going to pay our bills without coming out the other side in serious debt, which we just took ages to get out of. You know me; I'm a bit negative - sure, I totally believe God is in control. I believe He will do what is best for me - for my "character"....not necessarily what I think is best. I mean, God has always been in charge... uhm, my marriage fell apart once, we've been in bankruptcy once, had more than one car repossessed over the years.... I mean, sure, it was usually because of bad choices on the part of at least one of us if not both...but, well, how do I know what God has planned?? Is it to provide well, or is it to let us show others how to react well when you lose everything?? Lol, okay, I'm not that messed up - yet - but, well, my mind runs there sometimes. I'm trying, honest.
On the lighter side:
Kiki and I were waiting for our turn at a place today, and we were having a discussion. She was just arguing with me to argue with me (too much like her dad
 ) and I called her on it - she was like, yeah, I just enjoy it. I told her "well, you'll do good when it's time for debate class." Her reply? "Yeah, all I'll have to do is pretend the other person is you."  May 05 For Caty and anyone else who wonders - My Marriage Story - or part of it, anyhowAlright, I think I know how to do this now - thanks to everyone who sent me helpful messages!
Please go to blog entry: http://mamasmidlifemire.spaces.live.com/blog/cns!79311507CCFC123C!689.entry
Feel free to ask questions if you need more.... that doesn't mean I'll answer them all, but hey, feel free to ask!!  May 04 Quietly MourningI am so, so sad over the death of the filly Eight Belles at the Kentucky Derby yesterday. It put a shadow over the great run of Big Brown. Who was awesome. I just sat there and wept. That is the part of racing that I hate... they work the poor young horses too much too soon, and so often their immature bodies just can't take the stress. In any other discipline, you aren't even riding the horse until they are almost 3 years old! So they can still be going strong well into their 20's. How young do you think they are on a racehorse's back in order to be winning at the highest levels as 3 year-olds?? It's so much about the $$, and that just makes me cry a little.
A little information, if you wonder:
Horses' bones, ligaments and tendons in their legs usually aren't fully matured until somewhere around age 4, give or take depending on the size and breeding of the horse. The bigger the horse, the longer it takes - so, if you're talking about a 17 hand mare (that's her height - 1 hand = 4", so she was approx. 5'6" at the wither, that is, the bump just at the base of her neck.) like Eight Belles, you can bet her little legs really weren't up to the stress. In my Equine Studies classes in college, we watched footage of horse racing in slow motion.... it was wild how their hooves were just wildly flopping at the end of their ankles as they made the full stride - it's a wonder any of them step down properly at all. In my opinion, they shouldn't be racing until they are at least 4 years old; 5 or 6 would be better. Unfortunately, it is a money-driven sport, and that is too long to wait, I guess. I'm not saying most people in the sport don't love their animals; they just take risks that I, as a horse owner, would be unwilling to take.
May 03 Mama's Got Braggin' Rights!I have a feeling this has far more to do with Kiki's inherent abilities than with my awesome teaching, but I just have to brag her up a little here! Back in, March I believe it was, the co-op kids all took the ITBS tests... those are the "Iowa Tests of Basic Skills" that schools nationwide are supposed to give. I don't think most homeschoolers take this test, for various reasons, but at the Co-op we give them - mainly to show the 'outside' world that homeschooled kids are certainly not behind in their education. The tests (at least at the Co-op, I don't know about 'regular' schools) are first given in 4th grade, so this was Kiki's first shot at it. Well, let me tell you - WOW!! We got her test results back yesterday - here's a blip from her score description:
Kiki earned a composite grade equivalent of 9.1 on the Level 10 test. This means that her test performance was approximately the same as that of a typical student in the ninth grade at the end of the first month.
So, I'm not sure how these tests work - what is involved in them. Does that mean most 9th graders are really low achievers, or is my kid pretty dang bright?? Somewhere in there it did say Her overall achievement appears to be high for fourth grade. On one graph they have it all broken out as to how your child did on each group of tests (Math, Science, Language, etc.) and the Grade Equivalent score on each section - in 'Language Usage and Expression' she ranked 13+! That's college, people! I guess the non-stop jabbering has paid off for her, eh?! So, I told her "don't you ever again tell me 'I can't do it, mom, I don't get it'....those days are over, missy!" Lol.
Okay, so Linda tells me that what really counts is the NPR on the test - "National Percentile Rank". Here are the results: Kiki's composite NPR of 99 means that she scored higher than 99 percent of fourth grade students nationally.
You just can't make me stop bragging here, people!! Lol!!
Well, today is Derby Day!! I'm going to go plant myself in front of the tv for a bit. It's not quite as fun as back in our espresso bar owning days, when I had my own bookie...lol... now it doesn't really matter which horse wins. I love watching those horses run, though! May 01 My New ProjectI am doing a photography project that I call:
From
To
I am trying to find every letter of the Alphabet to photograph, which I can then use to make wall designs and stuff like, our last name, or Kiki's name for her bedroom wall, or...well, who knows? I'm hoping to find some 'natural made' as well.... like these:
That last one, I'm not sure if it's a Y or a V.... guess I should've gotten more of the trunk....
I even found a word:
A good one for Mother's Day!
This is what Alan and I did as we walked around downtown today.... I asked him if he'd mind, and he actually quite enjoyed it! We saw things today in a whole new way, and we had a blast. One last thing we saw today, that has nothing to do with letters ~
the first goslings of spring!
April 30 Another one bites the dust....It's the last day of April. Jiminy crickets, where does the time go??
Alan is loving his job, and I think he's sold 11 RVs so far. Not bad for a newbie. Still haven't got the slightest clue how that adds up in $$.
Tomorrow is his day off, so to celebrate our anniversary, we are going to drop Kiki off at the co-op, then....well... I don't know exactly. Kick around downtown, get a mocha, do some window-shopping, go out to lunch.... that sort of thing. Just talk together. When did we do that last??!
My site was mentioned again, and suddenly I am getting so much spam! What is up with that?? Anyone want to buy some gold?? lol. I'm having trouble getting them all deleted...
I am soooo tired, again. A gal in our little cabin room (at the retreat) told me she had awakened early, and was lying in her bed listening to me sleep (which would seem kinda weird but this particular woman is a friend of mine!) she told me she is sure I have "sleep apnea". She said her husband has it, so she knows how it plays out, and I definately was stopping and starting on the whole breathing thing. Which would explain the constant sleepiness, ya think?
Last week I found a Golden Retriever that was up for a 'rescue' and Alan gave the go-ahead to call on it! I'd really like another dog for Merry to romp with. I'd made arrangements to go see him last Thursday, but that's when Kiki got the flu. So I called to put it off until this week (since I'd be gone Fri - Sun at retreat). The gal who had him said her boyfriend was all ticked because the dog had chewed up the remote that day while they were both at work, so he wanted the dog gone NOW. I asked her to please call me if they were willing to wait until Monday night....she said okay - but she never did call back. I guess they ended up taking him to the pound. I think that's really sad.
Bobthecat has been getting into so much, and yesterday he jumped up on top of my china hutch. That was a new place for him. I yelled at him for that one... because the top of that hutch is covered in expensive antique crystal and depression glass. The cat might feel some serious hurt if he starts breaking stuff.
I've gotten addicted to little wild bird type figurines and nic-nacky stuff.... Today's Deep ThoughtRemember, half the people you know are below average.
I went to a bookstore and asked the saleswoman "Where's the self-help section?"
She said if she told me, it would defeat the purpose.
Steven Wright
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